Lent@Landmark: Day 2

Psalms of repentance always sound so thorough to me. The writers of the Psalms were pretty good apologizers! Consider Psalm 51:1-4.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment.

Unlike the Psalm writers, we often apologize and then unapologize in the same sentence. Have you ever caught yourself doing it?

“I’m so sorry I didn’t return your lawnmower. I thought my nephew was going to return it for me.”

“I’m really sorry about throwing the ball through your window. I thought my brother would have caught it easily.”

People measure us by our actions, yet we measure ourselves by our intentions. So our apologies usually follow the same pattern: “I am sorry for that thing that I did, but because of what I was thinking when I did it, I don’t think you should hold it against me.”

The good news is that this is easily fixed. Just do it backwards, and let the apology be the last word. Sure, you want the person to know that you didn’t intend to steal their lawnmower or burn their dinner. You didn’t intend to make their day worse. However, listen to how it sounds backwards.

“Oh no! I thought my nephew was going to return your lawnmower. I am really sorry, I should have made sure it got back to you.”

“I was sure my brother would have caught that throw, but I should have been more careful. I am really sorry about your window.”

When we let our apology be the last word, we set repairing relationships as the higher priority than making excuses and saving face.